Tired.

I am always amazed at the places Jane can sleep soundly - that are NOT her bed.

She is hands down the worst sleeper in our family. All of my kids have slept in bed with me until they weaned (around 2 years old) and then very easily transitioned into their own beds. Not Jane. She seeks me out wherever I am. She wakes up 5 or 6 times a night and comes looking for me. She usually ends up on the couch or floor in the basement if I am doing laundry (above) or the office floor if I am working in there (below.)

"I am so tired." Is the thought that runs through my head most often during the day. I thought about it recently - about how much harder it is becoming for me to get by on little sleep and if it's due to aging or just being worn down over time. Then I realized that I have been getting up multiple times a night for over 6 years - since Jacob was not yet sleeping through the night when Jane was born.

Man, no wonder I'm tired.

I hatched a 2 part plan to get myself some sleep, which I am hoping will improve my overall health - particularly that of my joints. (I'm sure my attitude can only improve with more sleep too!)

STEP ONE  - Rebekah needs to get her drivers license (and start driving herself to early morning seminary, 4am ski trips, YW's on Wednesday nights, cast parties and other late night events.)

STEP TWO - Jane needs to sleep through the night. In her own bed.

I've never believed in letting my kids "cry it out" - even Ferber himself said that what "Ferberizing" has become was not what he had intended. Anyway, about a year ago we did try it with Jane - in desperation. She screamed with 110% intensity for 3-4 hours for 2 nights & then we gave up. Firstly, with that going on she had everyone in the house awake - and with work, school, seminary, etc for the rest of us we couldn't all be up all night. Secondly, I couldn't keep it up when it's just not something I believe in. My heart was not in it, and I just couldn't put her or myself through it.

So, my new tactic. WHATEVER IT TAKES. She has very vivid nightmares and looks for me for comfort to go back to sleep. I needed her to get in the habit of staying in bed, realizing it was just a dream and going back to sleep. I decided the best way would be gradual separation.

I hauled the spare mattress into her room and put it right up against her little bed. I spent a week of nights like that. Actually not bad sleep, since each time she woke up I just had to reach out and hold her hand (requiring very little wakefulness.)

After a week I moved into Emily's bed across the room, but pulled Jane's bed into the center of the room. A week later - her bed was back on her side and I was still in Emily's bed. (Em was temporarily shifted to my bed.) Each morning that she woke up having stayed in her bed even if she had woken and I had gone to her for comfort, she got a small prize (a tub of new play dough, a plastic animal, a new polly pocket, a treat.)

I am delighted to report that for the last 2 nights she has slept in her bed and I in mine. Each member of this family has been in their own bed the entire night. I know it's only been 2 nights - and maybe a little too early for celebration, but this is the most progress we've ever had!

We leave on Sunday for vacation and I am a little worried about regression while we are gone, but hope even if she's "off" while we're away, she will quickly get back into it when we get home.

More than anything this experience has confirmed something about mothering (at least my mothering) that I have been thinking a lot more about lately. Each child really needs to be individually parented. They each come with their own sets of talents and challenges. What works for one (or 3) may not work for another. Of course, we will always have family rules, guidelines, standards and goals but they will sometimes need to be altered a little with each child. My challenge and goal as a mother is to discover what works best for each of them, and then do it.

 Now with a little more sleep under my belt, I feel fully equipped to do just that.