Hide & Seek.

These flowers almost cost Jacob his life today.

Here's the story.

When I was pregnant with Jane, we renovated our basement. The very best part was the custom toy and book storage I put in the back. It had been my dream for years. I found baskets I liked and designed the shelves to fit them. I planned drawers at the bottom (one each for soft toys, dress-ups and babies.) There are closets at each end for games and DVD/movie/video game storage. I keep all the kid craft supplies down there too (high out of reach.) All of this, streamlined along the back in white and brushed nickle.
Clean, crisp, uncluttered. Be still my heart.

It's 3 years old now. We spend A LOT of time in our basement, especially in the winter. It's had a few nicks and scuffs - but I still love it. It's my favorite thing in the house.

So today we had play-dates. Twins for Jane and a friend for Jake. Five kids under 4, but I was totally up for it. I went grocery shopping while they were at pre-school, but also stopped to buy more plants for the garden. I had hoped to make it home & put everything away, but ended up going right to school to get them.

When we got home we all ate lunch. Bit by bit I put away the groceries with lots of interruptions for hand washing and potty trips, and disputes over toys. It was a very rainy day, so we were all playing inside, and had out just about every toy we owned. After stopping for a snack (2nd lunch really) of watermelon, I suggested the kids play hide and go seek while I cleaned up in the kitchen. Then I realized the flowers I'd bought while out were still on the counter. I thought I'd better quickly get them in water, it had been about 3 hours since I bought them.

I heard the kids "finding" each other and continue playing downstairs. Jacob's friend came up and calmly said to me "I want to show you something." I asked him if it could wait until I put the flowers in water - or could he maybe bring it to me. He said he couldn't bring it to me, but he'd wait. He did wait, very patiently while I trimmed the stems and outer leaves, filled the vase and arranged the flowers. I could hear Jane and the other kids still playing downstairs.

After finishing the flowers, I went downstairs. I couldn't see Jacob anywhere - but did see a big pile of dress-ups. I figured he was hiding under them, and was going to surprise me - that was what I was supposed to "see." Then Jake's little friend pointed to the (tightly closed) dress-up drawer and said "He's in there." Instantly I made the connection. Instantly my heart froze. Instantly I yanked open the drawer. Poor little Jacob, sobbing and sweaty was curled up inside.

I pulled him out and wiped him off. I checked him, and asked a million times if he was OK. He said "You were taking too long." I tried to think - how long did it take me to do those flowers? 5 minutes or 10 - or (gasp) 15? Surely not 15 - he couldn't have been in there that long. Could he?

He is fine, and saying that he almost died is probably drama - but I've been traumatized with "what if's" all afternoon. His little friend went home not long after that. What if his mother had come early, and he had left without telling me where Jacob was? Jacob is a runner - he leaves the house all the time and I'm always chasing him down or looking for him. I would have searched for him outside and at neighbors houses, I would have never even thought to look in that drawer. Jacob said he was yelling for me. I didn't hear a thing. I couldn't hear him crying when I was standing right next to it - I would have never heard him. It's a small tight space, those drawers close snugly - how long could someone breathe in there?

Jacob and I have had a tough couple of weeks. I've been super busy and extra tired. Rick has been traveling a lot. Jacob has been extra energetic (aka naughty) or maybe he just seems that way because I am so tired. I have joked that I need him to go to foster care for 3 weeks so I can catch up and get a break.

I have been on the verge of tears all evening thinking about the horror I might have found opening that drawer. And that I sent him to go and hide. I am so grateful to have my busy, exhausting son and this reminder that he's just a little boy, and that I need to tell him a million times a day that I love him.

So, the drawers. He was scared, and at bedtime tonight we talked about how I was scared, and how dangerous it can be to get in there (he said he's done it before with friends, but opened the drawer right up.) I think it was scary enough that he won't want to do it again - but should I get rid of the drawers? Make a rule that they can never be all the way shut? At least now I know to look in there if one of the kids are lost or hiding.

And my little guy is snug in his bed, sleeping soundly - just where I want him to be.