My Country

The love of field and coppice,

Of green and shaded lanes,

Of ordered woods and gardens

Is running in your veins.

Strong love of grey-blue distance,

Brown streams and soft, dim skies

I know but cannot share it,

My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,

A land of sweeping plains,

Of rugged mountain ranges,

Of droughts and flooding rains.

I love her far horizons,

I love her jewel-sea,

Her beauty and her terror –

The wide brown land for me!

The stark white ring-barked forests,

All tragic to the moon,

The sapphire-misted mountains,

The hot gold hush of noon,

Green tangle of the brushes

Where lithe lianas coil,

And orchids deck the tree-tops,

And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!

Her pitiless blue sky,

When, sick at heart, around us

We see the cattle die –

But then the grey clouds gather,

And we can bless again

The drumming of an army,

The steady soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!

Land of the rainbow gold,

For flood and fire and famine

She pays us back threefold.

Over the thirsty paddocks,

Watch, after many days,

The filmy veil of greenness

That thickens as we gaze.

An opal-hearted country,

A wilful, lavish land –

All you who have not loved her,

You will not understand –

Though earth holds many splendours,

Wherever I may die,

I know to what brown country

My homing thoughts will fly.

Dorothea McKellar

We're off to Utah this weekend, to visit Rick's darling Mom. Home on Tuesday to un-pack, do laundry & re-pack and then leave on Wednesday. I can't wait to spend time "home" with my family. Rick and my 3 younger kids have never been, and I can't wait to introduce them to my country.

We'll spend time in Sydney visiting friends and hanging out with my 3 sisters who live there. After Rick (who couldn't miss too much work) and Rebekah (who couldn't miss too much school) arrive we'll take a jaunt up to Cairns, where we'll stay in the Daintree Rainforest at the hotel and snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef, among other things. Then back to Sydney for a few more days before heading back to NY.

I am SO excited. First though, I need to fly to Utah and back with the kids by myself - and then to Australia (for 23 hours) with the younger 3. Remember me in your prayers!

I'm sure I'll have millions of things to post about & tons of pictures when I get back. See you later!

Mmm! Love that whole-grain crunch!

I totally don't think of myself as a granola, and I bet most other people don't either (or do you?) Then I found this quiz on Stephanie's blog & took it for fun.

I was chuckling to myself the whole way through at the high points I was getting, until I laughed out loud when I got to "Have you nursed someone else's baby" - because OF COURSE I have.

So, I didn't even give myself points for EACH natural birth - just Rebekah's homebirth, and still I ended up "Mmm! Love that whole grain crunch." I blame all that nursing, nursing while pregnant & tandem nursing for getting me bumped me up!

Check it out here.

Opposites Attract

So in my little car disaster yesterday, I was reminded how great my husband is, and thought I should post briefly about it.

Rick and I are really different to each other. Sometimes I wonder how we ended up married. We differ in political views, movie taste, musical taste, just about every kind of food there is, and quite often in parenting and family issues. Yet somehow it seems to work for us.

We are both very strong willed and competitive, and I have come to look at it like this - we balance each other out. Our children have a real shot at being nice, moderate people.

One thing I really love about Rick is that he is NOT a "coulda, shoulda, woulda" person at all. I beat myself up about the bad choices, mistakes or accidents that dot my history, whereas he just looks at the situation presented to us and what would be the best choice going forward. Never (despite 3 stolen wallets, tax forms I filed late, endless lawyer bills dealing with my ex, getting us refused entry to the Czech republic and now the accident - to name but a few) have I ever heard any kind of finger pointing from him. He has never asked "What were you thinking?" or pointed out the expense of my actions.

His calm and rational approach to tough situations really helps me to be a little more even keeled, and more than anything not wallow in guilt. When he's gentle & forgiving with me, it gives me permission to be gentle & forgiving with myself.

I need to try and learn more of that from him. Thanks Rick, you're the greatest!

Worst sound in the world ...

You know - the crunching sound you hear as your car collides with another! OK, maybe not THE worst sound in the world, but for me this morning - pretty sad to hear.

I was in the parking lot at the Gap (getting kids summer clothes for our trip). I was backing up to an empty space as another guy pulled out of his. Talking to the insurance company they said they can't assess liability - maybe it will be 50 / 50, but who knows. No-one was hurt, it barely left a mark on my bumper, but kind of crunched the front of his Saturn. Just a fender-bender, not really a big deal, except tomorrow would have marked the 11th anniversary of my last car accident.

Of course, now all I can think about is how much our premiums will go up, and all the other things I would have preferred to spend the money on. Not that I would have - I just like to torture myself thinking about it.

So then this afternoon I started to think about all the happy sounds I love, and decided that these are a few of my favorites ;

* My kids laughter

* The key in the lock when Rick comes home at night

* My siblings or friends voices on the phone

* Waves hitting the beach

* That cute panting laugh/cry when Jane knows she's about to nurse

* Actually, any sound of moving water

* The Star Spangled Banner (tear up every time.)

So really, not such a big deal. I didn't even cry, (and I cry at everything.) I just really would have liked to have made it 11 years without an accident. Maybe I just shouldn't drive in March anymore!

What are your worst / favorite sounds?

Hamster or Fish?

NO, this is not a perverse dinner menu, just a pet commentary. We recently babysat our friends fish for about 2 weeks. If you are considering a pet for your family of young children - consider our experiences.

I've had fish as pets before, but they just are not all that much fun. They can't be cuddled or held, and they really don't do much. The kids loved having "her" here, but she wasn't at all interactive (unless you consider Jacob throwing Cheerios, a pencil, a few toys, etc into the bowl saying "Fish eat this?") Emily made various works of art to hang by the bowl for her to look at, so she wouldn't get bored - the picture above is of a bat.

Our neighbors had had 3 other fish die in the few weeks immediately prior to our taking over this remaining one - and I was super anxious the whole time. Rick brought me orange roses for my birthday, and Jacob pulled a petal off one and tossed it in the fish bowl. When I walked in the kitchen and saw something orange floating on the water I just about died.

Then there's the cleaning. Given, Mrs Nibbles had come with a newly cleaned cage & we didn't have to clean her out during her stay, but still I'm thinking it's not too hard, and something Rebekah (& maybe even Emily) could do without my help. The fish? No way. Fish are pretty sensitive to water changes. I cleaned it out 4 times while it was here, and each time I was on tender hooks that the change of water would be the thing that killed it. Then there was the actual cleaning process - where to pour the old water? In our sink (where we prepare our food?), the tub maybe (where the kids bathe?) Eventually I settled on down the toilet - but was SUPER careful not to let any of the gravel from the bottom go down. The rinsing water went down the toilet too - this is not a task I would trust to my kids.

I had tons of pets growing up (hamsters, mice, guinea pigs, rabbits, cats, dogs, a horse, a goat, a duck, chickens, a tortoise ....) I always thought that when I was an adult and calling the shots I'd have a menagerie. Yet here I am debating about a hamster! The thing is, I really love animals and don't want to get a pet and not give it the utmost of care. I know that the final responsibility for this will rest with me (no matter how many promises I hear from my kids.) However, I also think having a pet teaches kids responsibility and a great way to observe & learn about the life cycle. Rebekah had guinea pigs and a rabbit before we moved to NY - but we haven't had a pet since then. When Jane is older I'm all for a dog - but am not up for that much work right now.

So, on Saturday we made a stop at the pet store and looked at hamsters. I'm going to get them one in the fall. I don't want to have to worry about getting people to watch it while we travel (we're about to take a big trip, and always go away for a while in the summer) and Jane will be 18 months old by then. Rebekah and Emily will be able to clean it out, and I think it will work out well. Of course, it's going to have to rotate who's bedroom is stays in - they all want it in theirs.

I'd love to get them guinea pigs again (one of the BEST pets I've ever had), but they can get pretty smelly. Our Guinea pigs when we lived in Utah lived outside during the summer, and in the garage in winter. Our garage here is not attached to the house, and has no electricity - the poor things would freeze. So no guineas for us here. Yes, I think a hamster is the perfect solution for us. I have a few months to plan for it - I'm actually pretty excited about the idea!

Big Belly

Over at Adventures in Babywearing every one's showing off their belly's. Here I am (on the right) with my sister-in-law who was 2 weeks more pregnant than me! Look at my round belly! I'm pregnant with Jacob, this is in August - he was born in October - so you can just imagine how huge I was at the end.

Oh look! No need to imagine. Here I am on my last midwife visit (Emily always did the doppler for the midwife.) You seriously can't see me over the belly! Doesn't Em look little?

And again, about 35 weeks with Jane.

I have some beautiful bare belly pics I had professionally taken when I was pregnant with Emily, but they're not digital, and I haven't got around to scanning them.

Oh, and for the record;

Rebekah 8lbs, homebirth, all natural

Emily - 8lbs, birth center, all natural

Jacob - 9lbs 2oz, birth center, all natural

Jane - 7lbs 3oz, birth center, all natural

(but they did break my water with Jane, and I had an IV for the 1st time for antibiotics, because I was B strep positive.)

More Snow

We had some more snow this week - the nicer stuff; wet and soft that the kids could play in and make a snowman with. Jacob lasted a long time out there and really had fun - he ate a ton of it!

Rebekah turned Emily into a "snow camel."

Jane was devastated to be left out, she spent most of the time standing at the patio doors and crying. Next year sweet girl ...

Here's the product of their play. Jacob was bothered not to have a carrot for the nose and went out the next morning to change it.

Building A Dream

If you missed Oprah's special on Monday night you missed a great one. I've watched it 3 times now & sobbed my way through each one. Whether you love Oprah or hate her (or are just indifferent) there's no denying that this is a great work. What amazing girls, so many, many trials and unimaginable hardships in their lives yet they are so positive and willing to work hard to make a better life for themselves, and more than anything OVERWHELMINGLY grateful for any kindness shown them. They were all beautiful, and simply radiant. I was particularly touched by Thando & Zodwa.

Watching them, you can't help but compare your own children - knowing that their parents or grandparents love them every bit as much as I love my own kids and are sacrificing to provide whatever they can for them. We work hard to provide opportunities for our kids - but our efforts don't even come close to the sacrifices they are making.

I wondered a lot about my own children - especially my daughter around these girls age - the opportunities afforded her, and difference in attitude towards learning and being willing to make the most of yourself, and be grateful. I have been thinking about this a lot over the past year, and this brought the same questions up in my mind. How do I instill that kind of attitude without making them miss meals, sleep on the dirt, or have no indoor plumbing? Is it possible to come from affluence, and still have a deep sense of gratitude and a good work ethic? How, as a parent, do you facilitate that?

Oprah's special will be repeated on Saturday night, if you want to catch it then (or I have it on my DVR, if you want to come over.)