Weak at the Knees.

On April 27th I had knee surgery.

My FOURTH in 10 years.

I have osteoarthritis and have had knee issues since I was pregnant with Emily. Actually, the first 3 of my knee surgeries were after each of the last 3 kids were born (being pregnant hammered my knees and is one reason Rick didn't really want to have any more kids.)

{iPhone Photo. Afternoon of the surgery}
My leg isn't that freakishly huge. Its' pretty swollen but I think mostly just the camera angle.

Jacob brought me a flower to help me feel better. Darling boy.

{iPhone Photo}

Jane visited me on the couch and told me stories. She loves to carry her baby around in her sling and hear about how she LIVED in hers for the first 8 months of her life!

{iPhone Photo}

After my surgery I came home still pretty groggy and slept on and off the rest of the day. The next day the Dr. called to let me know how things had gone. He said "Your knees have further deteriorated. The arthritis is very bad. There's pretty much nowhere to go from here except total knee replacement." 

I wasn't really expecting that and I think I was in shock because I didn't really respond or ask questions. He said because of my age and the fact I have young kids at home we should try and put it off as long as possible and to come in three weeks for follow up. Then he hung up.

I spent the next few days feeling pretty sorry for myself. How was I supposed to get a surgery that required a 6 month recuperation period? How am I supposed to take care of my kids with limited mobility? We just started building a 4 story house. Should I plan on putting in an elevator? Seriously, I am really still young. OLD people get knee replacements - not me. "As long as possible." What does that mean? 6 months? 10 years? Jane would be 15 in ten years. That would be OK. ... you get the picture. I was depressed and self absorbed.


Part of my knee therapy is to ride a bike, since I can't do anything that is high (or even moderate) impact. A few days later I was riding the bike (slowly because it was still very painful to straighten my leg) and reached for the Ensign to read. There was an article on Infertility. I know several people who have struggled with Infertility and it's in my field, so I flipped to it. As I read Melody Linton relate her experience and say 
  
“I began to think, ‘Why not me?’ I’m strong enough to handle this."

Tears began to flow and I felt selfish for the wallowing in pity I had been doing. Why not me? I questioned myself. Did I expect to have a life free from trials? Would I even want that if it were possible? I knew I did not. The trails I have experienced in my life have taught me and stretched me and helped me grow. My life is rich with blessings. I have a husband I adore, who worships me. Four great kids who are healthy and doing well. We have a loving and supportive extended family and lots of great friends. Rick has a good job and we are building a wonderful new house. I reminded myself I am strong enough to handle this and instantly felt the burden of self pity lift from me.
I knew I could face this challenge and make the best of it.

It is still hard. I am in pain all the time - sometimes severe and sometimes just a mild throb. I can't run. Ever again. I can't ski (I am unrealistically hoping I get to the point that I can do the bunny runs with Jane ....) I'm supposed to take the elevator instead of the stairs, park as close as I can to the grocery store doors, and not lift my kids. Oh, and ride my bike each day and rest my knees for 8 hours at night. Yeah right!

I am trying my best to follow the directions I was given. I am grateful that we are building a house that will have a gym in it, so I can do what's best for my knees (and put the dog on the treadmill while I do, since walking Millie is also on my list of forbidden activities.) My knees "snap, crackle and pop" and I often have a limp at the end of a busy day. I am appreciative of the mobility I DO have and working to keep it as long as I can.