Crib

Jane has been sleeping in a toddler bed for about 4 months - well "sleeping" may be an exaggeration - she starts off there every night, but comes into our bed at some point and in our sleep deprived comas, we just move over to make room for her.

This means we no longer need a crib.

I was surprised how sad this made me. I know we aren't having any more babies. I'm OK with that. I had to beg Rick for the last two (he says I lied to get Jane.) I really do feel like our family is complete. Maybe if Rick didn't work so much, maybe if Bek wasn't so old, maybe if we had family around, maybe if I was younger ... there's a lot of maybes - but what it comes down to is that our hands are full. I'm exhausted all the time. Also, I am SUPER sick when I am pregnant and just don't want to remove myself from my other kids lives for that long again.

We are finished.

But I didn't really have to face the reality of that until I had to get rid of the crib.

(all ready and waiting for baby Jacob)

As sick as I am when I am pregnant, I love the feeling of a baby moving and kicking inside of me. I love the intimate connection I develop with them before they are even born by getting to know their movements. I feel like I begin to understand their personality, and feel so privileged to host their growing bodies, to protect and nourish them from the start.

I love babies. I love how everything slows down when a new baby is born, and you retreat into your little world of just your own family and don't know or care about anything else that is happening "out there." I love the smell of their sweet little heads, and the feel of their silky soft skin and hair, I love the small puppy sounds they make. I love feeling them asleep on me and watching the rise and fall of their rapid breath. I love nursing, and holding them close. I love watching my older kids fall in love with them, and want to hold them and touch them. I love how our family feels when we have a new baby.
All of that was hard to let go of.

Anyway, I took the crib apart and put it up against the wall in Rebekah's room. I wasn't sure what to do with it. I really wanted to give it to my sister Tara, but she lives in Australia and it would be totally impractical to try and ship it there, not to mention that they plan on moving back here in a few years and then they'd have to haul it back.

I thought of trying to store it for grandchildren. I'd love that - but we don't have any room and it will be many years before we have grand kids. Again, practicality won out - paying years of storage fees could pay for 10 cribs! Maybe I could send it to my parents & keep it there? Mum has spent the last few trips packing me home with the last of my belongings from her house every time I visited, so I'm sure they wouldn't be excited about the idea of keeping a crib there indefinitely.

My parents bought me a nice crib when Rebekah was born, and I used it for Emily. After many years of storage and moving a few times the screws in the side became stripped. I tried to get replacements, but we couldn't. We thought Jacob might be our last baby, and it seemed silly to buy a new crib for just one child, but what could we do - we needed one.

I picked this one out, and loved it from the start. We had a house, and for the first time I (1) knew what the baby's gender was and (2) had a room to decorate in advance. I loved making up that little room, and picking out boyish colors and his nautical theme. I even finished painting the red dresser while in labor with him. (note to self - take a picture of the red dresser.)

I was delighted when I found out I was having Jane - among the happy reasons; I could use the crib again. Of course Jacob was only 10 months old, so he used it for a while after she was born and she started in the hammock, where all my babies start.
(Tara, the hammock is at Mum & Dad's, saved for you.)

This is a picture I took to sell it, and doesn't show how it was "girlied" up for Jane.
I'll have to look through my photo files and see if I can find one....

I couldn't just list it on Craigslist. I needed it to go to someone I knew, somewhere I could imagine it being used, and occasionally see the babe who would sleep in it. One of our favorite swimming teachers is expecting, so I e-mailed her with some pictures and asked if she'd be interested (I'd even trade for extra swimming lessons.) She already had one, but told me one of the owners from the swim school, who is also expecting, was interested. They have 18 month old twin girls and already own TWO cribs. They couldn't stand the thought of paying full price for a 3rd crib. I sold it to them CHEAP (seriously a deal.) Last week they came and picked it up.


It' gone and I'm OK with it. Pondering how quickly those babies moved through my life, has helped me savor all the other moments a little more - like three year old arms around my neck at night.

And the other day Jane told me she's going to have nine babies.
I hope she does, because being a Grandma is going to be FANTASTIC!